Tuesday, April 9, 2013



This is my story of choice: The choice of pregnancy, of children, and abortion. For too many women, the stigma associated with abortion causes them to not speak out, to hide what they've done, to not tell a soul. I'm ending that stigma for myself - after all, if one in three women will have an abortion by the time they are in their 40s, it's not such a stigma after all.

People have this impression of abortion clinics - that it must be some sort of abortion factory, where you walk in, state "Hey! I'm pregnant and I want an abortion!" and the person behind the counter says "Sure! Great choice! Follow me." You go in a room, get in a gown, have a vacuum attached to your vagina, have a screaming baby sucked out of you piece by piece, wipe up, get dressed, get a lollipop and walk on out, with a coupon for 50% off if you refer a friend.


Every single woman, when staring at that positive pregnancy stick, is immediately faced with a choice.  To keep, or not to keep? For those who have been trying to get pregnant, who are happily married and will welcome this much-desired child with open arms, the news is joyous. For those in a long-term monogamous relationship, the news can be good news, but a bit unsettling. 

For hundreds of thousands of other women, the news is shattering. I won't even touch on victims of rape, of sexual abuse, of incest - that should speak for itself. And if you are heartless enough to think that a woman who finds herself pregnant by such a repugnant act should be forced to bear that child, I don't have the words to describe how evil that is. That you think your ideas about her body trumps the hell that she has gone through and her choice to deal with it the best way that she knows how, no matter what that way might be. 

That positive stick, that little wand of magic, has just cast a spell on the rest of your life. You begin thinking of the abusive relationship that you are trying to get out of. You think of the promotion that you are aiming for, where the males in charge most likely won't look highly upon a woman who is about to be "in the family way." You think of the crazy night where you had too much to drink, let your inhibitions go, and slept with a cute guy who said all the right things and make you feel beautiful, and smart, and funny. Who whispered in your ear and bought you another shot, and smiled at only you.  Who suggested going somewhere else to get to know each other better, and who you ended up having sex with, maybe with doubts in your mind, maybe he was more forceful than he should have been, maybe you were a completely willing participant and maybe you weren't. Maybe you were on a form of birth control - 89% of women who are at risk of unintended pregnancy use contraceptives. Your intention was not to become pregnant, but now that little positive stick that holds such massive upheaval for your life is staring you in the face.


My story.

I was twenty-four years old and madly in love with a tall, dark, handsome, older man who professed to love me as well. I told my parents that I was going to marry this man, and had visions of "together forever" with him. However, six months into the relationship I began catching him in lies, in acts of deceit; things weren't adding up anymore. Anyone who has had a relationship with a narcissist will recognize what I am talking about. Simultaneously, I found out that he had been cheating on me for our entire relationship, and I was pregnant.

I had just finished school and began a career with a company where I could have gone to the top. I was with a man who I now knew to be a pathological liar and a cheat, and I was facing an unwanted pregnancy. I had been on the pill for years (I used them not only for birth control, but also to treat menstrual migraines). In this instance, through no fault of my own, the birth control failed. We made an appointment at Planned Parenthood. I can recall trying to find basic information on abortion and becoming so frustrated, because all I could find was propaganda from pro-life sites (many initially disguising themselves as factual sites), when all I wanted was clear-cut information about what my choices were. At the appointment, I had an ultrasound to determine how far along I was. I will never forget the tech's words, as I lay staring at the ceiling, facing my own watershed moment, "Well, it's twins."

I instantly burst into tears. I was asked if I wanted to look at the screen - no, I did not. I spoke with the doctor, who assured me that, even though I had heavily drank alcohol and continued to take my birth control pills while not knowing that I was pregnant, that the babies would probably be just fine. 

I made an appointment before leaving for the abortion, but called the next day and canceled. I had made my choice. Facing potential single-motherhood, facing the daunting thought of twins, facing the potential disruption of my career, I had made my choice.


Two years later, twin 13-month old boys, and the father who was showing his true colors of being an alcoholic, abusive and demeaning. Someone who would gamble and drink our money away until there was none left - none except for the dollars that I would hide from him, so that I could buy the necessities, like milk or diapers, when they were needed. The night I found out I was pregnant again was the night that he came home after getting a DUI. He cursed and swore at me when I told him, his voice slurring, my babies down the hall from us. Once again, I was on the pill. Once again, it failed. 


I immediately knew that I would keep this pregnancy. I can't explain it; I just knew that I was meant to have this child, and abortion was not an option for me. My mother cried when I told her I was pregnant, and asked why I didn't consider abortion, since I had considered it earlier. All I could say was, it was my choice, and I chose to keep it.


Two years later: I finally get up the nerve to leave the father of my children. Thus ensues a living hell, complete with restraining orders against him and heavy court involvement over custody of our children.  Suicide attempts by him, in an effort to keep me nearby and personally involved with me. Many other events not mentionable here.

I met someone else. Someone who presents himself as a hero. Someone who tells me all the magic words: "I've never met anyone like you. You're the woman I've been waiting for. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You're amazing, beautiful, wonderful - my life is complete, now that I have you. Your kids - I will love them like my own." 

We were doomed. My ex caused such a strain on our relationship (and such a strain on me emotionally), that our relationship could not withstand it. I found out that he was seeking sexual relationships elsewhere, and my heart broke. I could no longer put up with behavior like that in my life, and I knew that the relationship would have to end.


A week after finding out about his infidelities, I went to a new doctor to get an IUD. I wanted no risk of pregnancy at all, from anyone. During my checkup, the doctor asked if cancer ran in my family, and if I had lost a lot weight recently, and then dropped the bombshell that she had found a tumor somewhere in or around my uterus. We would need to determine where the tumor was located and its size, and what type it was, before focusing on an IUD. Ultrasounds were scheduled, both internal and transvaginal. Weeks after the ultrasounds, I got the news from the doctor's office that I was HPV positive and that my PAP smear had come back abnormal. Tumor. HPV. Abnormal PAP. I was thinking cervical cancer. I asked the nurse on the phone about the tumor, as I had heard nothing since having the ultrasound. She said that the doctor was out of the office for over a week, but that she was ordering a colposcopy to determine the cause of the abnormal PAP and would most likely biopsy the tumor at that time.

Colposcopy time. I check in and sit nervously, a million thoughts running in my head. A nurse pulls me aside and utters the words that would change my life, "Due to the invasive nature of a colposcopy, we won't do it until after delivery."


"Oh, you're pregnant. Didn't you know?"

No. No, I did not.


Turns out the tumor that the "good" doctor felt was actually the pregnancy. She never ordered a pregnancy test, no one told me I was pregnant during or after the ultrasounds. A month went by, valuable time wasted, while I thought I had cancer, thanks to the thoughts this doctor put in my head. 

The doctor asked what I wanted to do. I told her I did not want to continue the pregnancy; I was leaving the man, my life was in an upheaval, and I had wanted an IUD to prevent pregnancy in the first place.  I had had severe postpartum depression after each delivery and wasn't sure I could go through that again.


I scheduled an appointment at Planned Parenthood. My mother went with me, and it was at that appointment, during the ultrasound, that I found out how far along I was (much farther than the doctor had told me I was). I spoke with both a doctor and a counselor, and waited the mandatory time before being allowed to have the abortion. 


The day of the abortion is a day that will be seared in my memory for the rest of my life. I remember wondering what the story was of all the other women in the clinic. Young, older, all different races, sizes, features. Some quiet, some staring into space. Some alone, some with someone there for support, like I had. I remember the feelings, the sensations as the abortion took place. I recall not wanting to feel anything at all, and feeling exactly what was happening. I remember the recovery room, again looking at the other women recovering alongside me, and wondering, again, what their story was. Everyone has a story. But who wants to hear it?

I am 100% certain that I made the right choice for me. Given the shambles that my life was in at that moment, a pregnancy might literally have cost me my mind. I would have been no good as a mother to the children I already had. I would have been in even more, dire of financial straits. The schooling that I had started, to provide a better life for myself and my child, would have had to been put on hold.  My mental health would have been shot. My ex may well have gone crazy with the thought of me pregnant with another man's child, and done something drastic.

But the wonderful thing about the freedom of choice is that we don't need to justify an abortion with a qualifying reason. As women, if we find ourselves with an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy, we have the CHOICE to do what we see fit with our own body, our own lives. 

I prayed. I cried. I pondered, and wept at the unjustness of it all. I wondered if it was a boy or a girl.  Certain songs made me break down in the aftermath. But slowly, I got better. I healed. I deeply understood that I made the right choice for myself. 


A year later, as I was folding some of my kid's clothes for a rummage, I began thinking of the abortion.   Folding those outgrown, tiny clothes tugged at something in me, and I began to cry. At that exact moment, reaching into the bottom of the bag of clothes, my hand brushed against something small and hard. It was a heart-shaped pendant that read, 'Angel of Joy." I knew that for me, it was a sign that everything was fine, and was just how it should be.


Don't condemn those of whose shoes you have never deigned to walk. Don't judge those who have made choices that, God willing, you might never have to make yourself. 

Choice. It's a complicated, beautiful thing.  I made a choice, I stand by it, and I support all men and women who stand by the right to choose. 


If you would like to share your story, message Rock The Slut Vote on Facebook. Your anonymity is guaranteed. If you are providing statistics or facts, please make sure to send links to back up your facts. You can send your story via email format or word doc.


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Art By Women

After mentioning on the Facebook page that it would be great to post some art by women artists, many of you provided some great art and sites. Since I want to keep the main focus on the issues on the Facebook wall, I thought it would be fabulous to include the pictures and sites in one tidy blog post!

I’ll ask you to help me find some great art by women from time to time and include it on a blog so it can be shared and enjoyed by many!!!!
"Meltings of Your Heart" by Austin, TX artist Rebecca Tewksbury.
Marcia Leeder Photography
Visit her on FACEBOOK
From Austin, TX artist Kathy Womack's "Women and Wine" series.
Kerry Cunninham
Visit her on Facebook
Visit her on Facebook
Beautiful Nightmare Studioes
Visit her on Facebook
Heather Hardy Art
Visit her Site
She Weeps
Loryn Spangler-Jones Artist
Visit her Site
Deb's Studio
Visit her BLOG

Anneke Paterson Photography
Visit her on Facebook


Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Penis Files - (SATIRE/VIDEO)

As the election rapidly approaches, a frightening and dangerous bone of contention has been introduced: the male penis. Men want one AND they want it COVERED by Obamacare. They want you, the taxpayer, to pay for the ability to not only HAVE a penis, but to ENJOY it. We need to pull the plug on this conversation and make sure it is not thrust upon the voters. Americans don’t work so that their hard earned dollars can be dedicated to the sole purpose of a male orgasm.
The Most Reverend Maggie Rowe, Roman Catholic Bishop, Bridgeport, CT says:
“It’s virtually another entity that would be thinking on its own—apart from any procreative instincts. That in itself is a false God. We would be giving these men false Gods between their legs—and saying “It’s okay! Make your own decisions!”
Rowe’s last sentence cannot be overstated. When men have the freedom and ability to make their own decisions, we as a nation put ourselves at risk. Think about it: once they start to enjoy the benefits of having a penis, they will decide they need equal pay and condoms to be covered on their insurance plans. And what will that make them? SLUTS, that’s what! Prostitutes. They want ME, a woman and a taxpayer to pay for their bedroom activities. This is simply outrageous.
Jonathan Nail, Concerned Citizen and Penile Rights Advocate, asks the question: “Where are the men? There are no men representing the tens of millions across the country, who want and NEED basic penile healthcare—including family planning and sexual freedom!”
“The ability of a man to enjoy a penis guilt free is something that I believe the taxpayers should be taxed for.” says Dr. Gary Stockdale of Columbia University.
The accompanying video by Katie Schwartz provides a record of a hearing conducted by a panel of women discussing the idea of men having their penises covered by Obamacare. Dr. Becky Thyre, a moral philosopher, makes a valid point. She asks the panel, “What has it caused us to do today as we sit around this table? What is foremost in our minds? A penis. I myself have lost my concentration several times during this hearing because all I was thinking about was penis. A penis in my head.”
After viewing this conversation, I admit to having a penis in my head now too and I feel dirty. Give a man a penis and witness the destruction of everything. This is not a time to be complacent. I refuse to pay for a man’s orgasm and so should you!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Paul Ryan: The Sh*t Has Hit The Fan

I’m choosing to do a separate post on volunteering for swing states today because, well, it’s a little special.

We've just heard that Paul Ryan (Wisconsin) is the VP pick. If this race for the White House was a hurricane, we’ve just hit a CATEGORY  FIVE. Wisconsin is a swing state and a very important one.

It’s never been more important to help the Democratic Party. Three hours of your time between now and November 6 can make THE difference if we all pitch in. It’s not just about Obama winning. The House and Senate need to have a majority. When Republicans took the House in 2010, they got busy. In the first three months of 2011, they introduced 916 measures related to reproductive issues. This is WHY we need a full Democratic majority or we women will continue to be attacked by the GOP for the next four years and they WILL win.

Wisconsin Democrats: WEBSITE  VOLUNTEER

Think Progress just did an article titled: Five Reasons Why Paul Ryan Is Bad For Women’s Health. I have highlighted these reasons below. Please have a look and if you have not read the blog where I provide links on how to volunteer in the key swing states please click HERE.

1. Ryan co-sponsored a “personhood” amendment that would give legal rights to a fetus starting at conception. Ryan joined 62 other Republicans in co-sponsoring the Sanctity of Human Life Act, an anti-abortion measure declaring that a fertilized egg “shall have all the legal and constitutional attributes and privileges of personhood.” This would outlaw abortion, some forms of contraception and in-vitro fertilization.

2. Ryan supports banning all abortions, even in cases of rape and incest. In addition to his support of the personhood amendment, Ryan won his congressional seat in 1998 by emphasizing his opposition to all abortions without exceptions. But this puts him at odds with Mitt Romney, who has said he would allow exceptions in cases or rape and incest.

3. Ryan voted to ban abortion coverage from being included in the state health insurance exchanges. The Stupak amendment that Ryan backed would have prevented women from purchasing plans that cover abortion services through the exchanges set up under Obamacare — even when using their own funds.

4. Ryan compared Roe v. Wade to the Dred Scott Supreme Court decision. “Twice in the past the U.S. Supreme Court—charged with being the guardian of rights—has failed so drastically in making this crucial determination that it ‘disqualified’ a whole category of human beings, with profoundly tragic results,” Ryan wrote in 2010. After the 1857 case, Dred Scott v. Sandford, “the second time the Court failed in a case regarding the definition of “human” was in Roe v. Wade in 1973,” he added.

5. Ryan has supported defunding Planned Parenthood. In 2011, he voted for an amendment that would block Planned Parenthood and the health care organization’s affiliates from receiving any funds in a 2011 continuing appropriations bill.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

How YOU Can Help Defeat The GOP In 2012!!!!!

From now until election day, I am going to post information about some different ways you can help defeat the GOP in key swing states.

Website: Here
Volunteer: Here

Website: Here
Volunteer: Here

Website: Here
Volunteer: Here

Website: Here
Volunteer: Here
Article on swing states and women: Here

An NPR article: Why New Swing State Of Virginia May Determine Presidency is a prime example of a state that NEEDS people to get involved.

Website: Demoratic Paty of Virginia: Here
Volunteer you time: Here
Make calls now: Here

Volunteer your time: Here
Create or find an event: Here

20 million women DID NOT vote in 2008. This is baaaaaaaad! This MUST change in 2012.

If you have never volunteered before, it’s actually a fun and rewarding experience.

Often, a person hosts an event at their home. You sign up, RSVP and sometimes, bring party favors such as refreshments or a yummy snack. It is usually 3-4 hours on a Saturday or Sunday. The group of like-minded people, armed with cell phones are given a list of democrats to call and a simple speech is provided. As you call, you make notes by each person’s name and voila! You’ve done MORE THAN MOST! It’s very easy and fun.

I volunteered a few times in ’08. It was just as I explained. I had the opportunity to meet new people and as a result, made lasting friendships. I wish to reiterate that this is very easy and the feeling you have after it’s over is a feeling of accomplishment and pride.

So as mentioned, I will post about how and where you can volunteer but I also ask for your help. I plan to focus on swing states but if you email us or comment that you would like to get involved in your area, I will find the information to make it as easy as possible for you and post it. If you guys send  pictures of the events you host or attend, I’ll also post them along with the where and when and how many calls were made. So don’t forget to take pictures!! (Just make sure everyone is aware the pictures will be posted to the Facebook page in case someone feels a little shy.)

We are all busy and we all have so much on our plates. I ask that you donate at least three hours of your time between now and November 6.  If every single Democrat did this, think of how much we could accomplish.

Make a day of it. Get a group of friends together or venture out on your own and please help make a difference.

In case you need a little reminder of how important this election is:
5 Ways Republicans Have Sabotaged Job Growth

Let us know once you've signed up. Motivation is contagious!!!

Friday, July 6, 2012

You Can FIRE Government by VOTING!

I write articles covering what is going on in politics and focus a lot on womens’ issues. I am a feminist and I believe know women are under attack by the Republican party. In my line of work I have to keep up with the issues. I also need to keep up with issues because I vote.

Since I became the Spokeswoman for Rock The Slut Vote, I have asked many women if they are aware of The War On Women. Too many times, I get a blank look. They have no clue. When I explain to them that every Senate Republican BLOCKED the Fair Pay Act, they are shocked—as they should be. I wonder after we go our own ways, if they will take it upon themselves to find out more about what is really going on. I can only hope they do and share the information with their friends.

Watch this video. Share it. Please. Our rights are at stake. We are the ones who hold the power. If WE DON'T VOTE, we choose to give that power away to people who don’t care if we are subjected to back-alley abortions or get less pay for the same work!

Remember this: The people in government are YOUR employees. You pay their salaries. You enable them to collect additional money from corporations who pay politicians to create laws benefiting them. YOU CAN FIRE THESE PEOPLE IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEIR JOB PERFORMANCE. This is your right as an American. That is your duty as a citizen. VOTE!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Thin Red Line by Wendy Taylor

No woman can call herself free who does not own and control her body. No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother. ~ Margaret Sanger

By Wendy Taylor, Vermillion South Dakota

There is a difference between birth control and contraceptives. Maybe it’s a fine line, but that line could be where the whole political issue lies. My opinion is that birth control is sort of a misnomer. The definition of “birth” as a verb is simply “to bring forth.” I think the majority of us can see for ourselves what the definition of “control” is.

Once a woman is pregnant (no matter when you define life as beginning), the fetus or baby is ‘brought forth.’ There are only a few differences in how: spontaneous abortion (miscarriage), medical abortion, vaginal birth, or Caesarean birth. Of these, only one is really in the woman’s control. I have given birth to three beautiful children and had two spontaneous abortions. In each case, I technically “birthed.” What I lacked was “control.” There’s not much control to birth—no matter what those birthing classes say. I breathed and pushed and so on. Guess what? It still hurt. It still followed the course Mother Nature has dictated for millennia. And I was lucky enough that it still had my desired result—a living baby for me to raise and love. The two miscarriages? There was nothing I could have done differently. Nothing I did brought them on. Nothing I, or my doctor did prevented or stopped them.

The only thing I might have done differently was to prevent the pregnancies in the first place. Which is all about “contraceptives” and “contraception.” The origin of “contraception” is simply “contra” (against) & “conception” (impregnation) merged. The definition is merely “the deliberate prevention of impregnation or conception.” The simplest purpose of contraception is to get the control prior to birth becoming an issue.

I am aware it is a fine line. In fact, it’s valid to point out how closely the two are related. I know the argument for contraception is all about controlling when birth takes place in a woman’s life. I do understand that. I know I’m being nitpicky about my definitions and calling contraceptives ‘birth control.’ However, I honestly think that is part of the problem in this war against women (and it is a war). Many contraceptives do far more for women than simply allow her some freedom to choose when or if she becomes pregnant and births a child.

Many options for contraception also alleviate symptoms of PMS and cramps as well as regulating a woman’s cycle. Men simply do not understand these things. Men do not understand how debilitating menstrual cramps can sometimes be. Men do not truly suffer from PMS—though I freely admit I did my best to make every man in my life suffer whenever I was dealing with it. It is also worth noting that contraceptive options such as low-estrogen pills are sometimes prescribed to women who are in menopause to help alleviate some of their suffering.

Contraceptives are preventative medications and preventative health care for women. They are more than simply “birth control.” The fact that so many want to refer to it as birth control and spout off about it being a license to ‘do things’ are doing so because of the fine line I mentioned earlier. They focus on the ‘birth’ aspect for many reasons, but one of them is because they know what I have already said: once a woman is pregnant, very little about the birth is in her control. And if that is naturally not really in her control, then she shouldn’t have any control at all. Why? Because even nature doesn’t put a woman in control of her own body. Nature decides when or if she ovulates, menstruates, gives birth, and goes through menopause. If that is how women are created, then it must be meant for them to not have any control over their bodies except for what they can exert with their minds and strength of will.

This is why I think “birth control” is a misnomer and part of the problem. I don’t disagree with the fact that contraceptives should be able to be called by the name and not have any problems. However, I have learned over the years that I have to think like my enemy in order to get ahead sometimes. In the case of birth control options, I really do think it all boils down to this fine line. Which is really just a bunch of drowning politicians and regressives grasping at straws to try to keep long-dead problems alive.